I have thought an awful lot about building independence in my kids. I’ve written about it here and pondered the maturity changes here. But recently one of the Parenting Partners took it to a whole new level. One I never thought of before, but needed to.
Many families in my generation and the next generation down have turned their backs on the way we were raised–when children were to be seen and not heard. Parenting culture was different. Expectations were different. We began to respect these little people and recognize them as humans rather than property. We gave them more freedom to be children and develop at their own pace. We allowed them to have a voice.
But some of us didn’t do a stellar job at transitioning them into being respectful and compassionate young adults that could do what they were told WHEN they were told to do it and the WAY they were told to do it. We quite accidentally created very entitled kids…
Every day is a new beginning. I am always motivated in the spring. Maybe it’s the lengthening hours of sunshine and the starting of my gardens. Life is bursting forward and I am running face into the wind with all of it. It’s a good time to check in with yourself and see if you are where you want to be…
So, these were the words that sparked a longer spewing from Mama today…
BigGuy has, in the last year or so, lamented that nobody in the house pitied him. I definitely took pause at this when he started saying it and he was right: we didn’t comfort him in his upset as quickly as we were willing to comfort Girly. When I realized this, I was briefly overwhelmed with shame over it. I sat and analyzed why that was–why did we treat him differently??
Well, we managed to successfully migrate off of the “Elf as Santa’s spy” thing a few years ago but then we were at a bit of a loss for what the Elf, Simon’s, purpose was. In the last few years, we’ve come up with some good ideas and I like this year’s the best…
Girly was placed in our home at 12 days old. From birth, she had very little human contact and there are a lot of reasons for this–but it was what it was. I didn’t grasp how “big” that was. Twelve days didn’t seem like a long time.
As an ignorant adoptive parent who didn’t know what I didn’t know, I have since learned an awful lot. And one of the things that I learned a lot about (and continue to learn about) is race. My now-7yo daughter started teaching me that as an infant in ways I never expected. Continue reading She is brown…
Recently I was involved in a friend’s Facebook post asking who your MOMMY Inspiration is. It was an interesting question, probably inspired by Mother’s Day coming up. I’m actually really proud of my parenting given that I grew up in a home I should have been removed from (my state subsequently underwent federal overhaul of their child protective services division) and another I actually WAS finally removed from (although I was 18 and 2 weeks from graduating when they finally got to it).
What happens when you have kids of your own, start to really understand parenting more, and it DOESN’T give you a greater appreciation for your parents? Continue reading What happens when parenting perspective is not a gift
I’d love to be a better mother than this, but I just am not. Like, seriously.
Hormones and puberty have hit us like a ton of bricks and the last two weeks here have turned me ass-end-up. Continue reading So… puberty is officially here
I had an incredible discussion with another #soccermom the other day. The conversation meandered onto the topic of how we infantilize our children these days and how different it was when we were young. We talked about the things we did long ago and more importantly, the character traits and skills we developed because of these differences. We went on to identify some of the ways that behavior has inadvertently carried over into other things that were just silly… How suddenly, not just “coming home when the street lights come on” seems to have carried over into children who don’t use knives to cut their own food at age 12.
And that’s changed our kids… and their behavior… Continue reading This is what happens when we unlock maturity
Last week, I spoke with a client who sought guidance on managing her son’s education. Her son was a 9-year-old and I could hear this mama’s concern about how to support her child and minimize some of the issues she clearly recognized as being control issues. And she was spot on. She had read about “The Nine Year Old Change”: “The special needs of the nine year old are the result of an important change in consciousness that marks the end of early childhood and the transition to a new developmental phase” (from WaldorfInTheHome.org)
As BigGuy started entering puberty last year, I sympathized with her; but I also realized that reading about a developmental stage wasn’t the same as reading about how to handle it from the parent’s side… Continue reading Navigating a new child within my child