I have thought an awful lot about building independence in my kids. I’ve written about it here and pondered the maturity changes here. But recently one of the Parenting Partners took it to a whole new level. One I never thought of before, but needed to.
I got this great card not long ago. It was from a mother of another teen boy in our circle. She noted that she really enjoyed having our family involved with hers and she was glad to have other parents to share this journey with. She is awesome for creating events for the kids that are age appropriate and I adore her because I. am. worn. right now. Life’s undertow is catching me and my son is suffering less because of her efforts. And yesterday I realized that I have parenting partners above and beyond my husband…
Many families in my generation and the next generation down have turned their backs on the way we were raised–when children were to be seen and not heard. Parenting culture was different. Expectations were different. We began to respect these little people and recognize them as humans rather than property. We gave them more freedom to be children and develop at their own pace. We allowed them to have a voice.
But some of us didn’t do a stellar job at transitioning them into being respectful and compassionate young adults that could do what they were told WHEN they were told to do it and the WAY they were told to do it. We quite accidentally created very entitled kids…
My daughter turned 8 last autumn and in my mind, she is still 18 months old. It’s starting to become a problem.
So, these were the words that sparked a longer spewing from Mama today…
BigGuy has, in the last year or so, lamented that nobody in the house pitied him. I definitely took pause at this when he started saying it and he was right: we didn’t comfort him in his upset as quickly as we were willing to comfort Girly. When I realized this, I was briefly overwhelmed with shame over it. I sat and analyzed why that was–why did we treat him differently??
Here is the thing: when you remove curriculum and school-y stuff, a lot of parents have no idea what to DO. It seems absolutely unfathomable that we should be doing NOTHING in relation to our child’s education.
To be fair, you’re not doing NOTHING. Here is how “nothing” happens in my house (and some things I need to get way better at)… Continue reading How to make unstructured learning successful
Easily 2-3 years ago, I wrote a blog entry on how ludicrous I thought it would be that I could meditate and where that little experiment landed me. I had studied the effects of various types of mediation on some pretty heavy-hitting health challenges; but I never really saw the purpose in using it as a daily practice for “the rest of us”.
Now I realize that focused meditation (the kind that uses a mantra) is a huge help for those with anxiety. It effectively teaches you how to control your thoughts so that they don’t run away with you–causing an anxiety or panic attack. I found focused meditation was also profoundly helpful to my clients that “couldn’t turn their brain off” at night–often falling asleep with the TV on so that they could distract their brain with nonsense to fall asleep.
My next little experiment is going to be on my BigGuy. I’ve wanted to do this before and even tried, but I’m Queen Inconsistency and never managed to get him on track for more than (literally) a day. Now, I have to do this for myself and I’m going to pull him along with me–hoping it will prove useful in him being able to control his thoughts and stay more focused. He’s been on board for this for a long time because HE doesn’t like being distracted, but he can’t control it. As a result, he also can’t manage to get on top of the practice on his own.
So I encourage you to consider this if you or your children have anxiety, distraction or even just a hard time falling asleep each night. Make sure you are focusing on a mantra during your practice. The link to my business blog entry above will give you great starting points (free ones!).
Do you already meditate? Do you use a mantra?
I’d love to be a better mother than this, but I just am not. Like, seriously.
Hormones and puberty have hit us like a ton of bricks and the last two weeks here have turned me ass-end-up. Continue reading So… puberty is officially here
Yesterday, I appeared to be having “a day”. And my blog is here to help me process, so I turned to my blog. Because it was just after noon and it was a bad morning. Here it is… raw and real and freshly outpoured yesterday. ❤ Continue reading Small confessions: all out of courage
Today, my husband showed me how he used the Roku remote app on his iPhone to interrupt the kids playing Pandora with a video of him telling BigGuy to stop and go unload and reload the dishwasher–at which point he could have Pandora put back on. Husbeau is new to Apple products & has had the phone MAYBE a month.
Parenting level: Master.
Mama is off to install the app on her phone…