I have thought an awful lot about building independence in my kids. I’ve written about it here and pondered the maturity changes here. But recently one of the Parenting Partners took it to a whole new level. One I never thought of before, but needed to.
Generally, I get my act together by obligating myself somewhere. Because then I have accountability. Why can’t I feel accountable when it’s just me and my little family….?!?!
I am one of those people that really enjoys a good introspective workbook. Like a “transformative change” junkie. One of the things I find is doing these things over time–over and over again–starts to help train your brain to look at yourself a bit more objectively. That was really helpful this week… Continue reading When all of that resolution crap creates a breakthrough
Easily 2-3 years ago, I wrote a blog entry on how ludicrous I thought it would be that I could meditate and where that little experiment landed me. I had studied the effects of various types of mediation on some pretty heavy-hitting health challenges; but I never really saw the purpose in using it as a daily practice for “the rest of us”.
Now I realize that focused meditation (the kind that uses a mantra) is a huge help for those with anxiety. It effectively teaches you how to control your thoughts so that they don’t run away with you–causing an anxiety or panic attack. I found focused meditation was also profoundly helpful to my clients that “couldn’t turn their brain off” at night–often falling asleep with the TV on so that they could distract their brain with nonsense to fall asleep.
My next little experiment is going to be on my BigGuy. I’ve wanted to do this before and even tried, but I’m Queen Inconsistency and never managed to get him on track for more than (literally) a day. Now, I have to do this for myself and I’m going to pull him along with me–hoping it will prove useful in him being able to control his thoughts and stay more focused. He’s been on board for this for a long time because HE doesn’t like being distracted, but he can’t control it. As a result, he also can’t manage to get on top of the practice on his own.
So I encourage you to consider this if you or your children have anxiety, distraction or even just a hard time falling asleep each night. Make sure you are focusing on a mantra during your practice. The link to my business blog entry above will give you great starting points (free ones!).
Do you already meditate? Do you use a mantra?
Yesterday, I appeared to be having “a day”. And my blog is here to help me process, so I turned to my blog. Because it was just after noon and it was a bad morning. Here it is… raw and real and freshly outpoured yesterday. ❤ Continue reading Small confessions: all out of courage
BigGuy turns 12 this week. Eleven years ago–just shy of turning one year old–he looked into my eyes for the first time. That’s right: one year old. We were already 4 months into “global developmental delay” hell. He had been flagged with possible mild cerebral palsy and deafness–the latter quickly (presumably) ruled out with a test that showed his eardrum to be working, but couldn’t tell us if the messages between the eardrum and the brain were being relayed and interpreted properly if at all.
Eleven years ago we were roughly two weeks into removing the trace amounts of dairy that existed in our diet (I was still nursing) and rushing back to the immunologist that diagnosed his immune deficiency just a month before. I wanted him to see my son–to see if I was just hoping to see something that didn’t exist or if an objective eye could say that there was change. In fact, there was change; and the immunologist confirmed that the dairy could be the culprit.
BigGuy has presented us with challenges since conception and we spent a lot of years swamped in various developmental therapies, research, interventions–not being a family, but being a therapeutic unit for this small child who has come so far. IT. WAS. HARD.
It was overwhelming.
It was exhausting.
At times, it was very, very scary–because we weren’t sure if he’d ever live independently (which actually didn’t occur to us until a round of tests at age 3).
“So often we parents of special needs children come to live a life that inadvertently becomes defined by our children’s problems. Life becomes a series of therapies and nights of research or online support groups. It’s not intentional or malicious–it’s just how it happens. We never know the delight of the moment because we are plotting the future… what else can we do? Who can we see? What can we give them to help? Who on EARTH can care for them if and when something happens to me (and my spouse)? Will they ever live independently? It’s an organic process for sure. But it’s not a positive one.
“Let me tell you what my son’s challenges have done for me…”
That is an excerpt from the guest post I did called “Let Me Tell You About My Son” over at my friend’s blog, “Unveiled and Revealed“. She has dedicated the month to “Parenthood Perspectives” with each week dedicated to a very different parent experience. I hope you will find beauty in the journey. ❤
Girly is neurotypical. In the world of special needs, this is abbreviated as “NT”. It means that there has been no significant concern or disruption in her development. That is not BigGuy’s history. As a result, we are often pretty taken with some of the things that “just happen” with Girly because it wasn’t our experience with BigGuy.
BigGuy is not what most people imagine when they think of someone with Asperger’s. They see my personable and extroverted kid who likes an audience and think I’m out of my mind because “THAT’S not Asperger’s”.
Oh contraire… but it is–I assure you. Not all kids with Asperger’s are the silent, introverted, cannot-look-you-in-the-eye type. Meet my guy… Continue reading How we handle Asperger’s Syndrome
So, I get this a lot. Especially since I run in unschooling circles (and please keep in mind that “unschooling” is, at it’s heart, about following the child). Just to be sure we’re all on the same page here: “Neurotypical” refers to a child who develops in a way that is free of disabilities of any kind.
That is not my BigGuy. Continue reading Applying neurotypical logic to kids in the spectrum
Because BigGuy is a 5th grader, it’s his last year of Cub Scouts. There are a contingent of people back home who can’t believe we would involve ourselves with Scouts because of their historically explicit rejection of homosexuals. Policies have changed about the acceptance of Scouts that are homosexual but I have not kept up on whether that trickled into leadership. Continue reading To be or not to be a Boy Scout