Today, we write letters. I will have to transcribe Girly’s, but we will be writing letters…
We will be writing letters of thanks. Each child will have to create a handwritten letter of thanks to someone and it actually gets sent.
It will be interesting to see who they write to, what they write, what they’re thankful for, whether they include drawings.
They always include drawings.
I’m trying to think of what they might be thankful for. What will strike those little minds as “worthy of the physical effort of making letters fit within the lines”. I’m trying to think of who *I* will write to.
Thing is: I don’t want to write a letter of gratitude. I want to exert my physical handwriting effort to pour out every last detail about my sweet Girly to her birthmother. I want her to know every little fold in her smiling face–every last little comment. I want to describe her infectious laughter and make her birthmother laugh just to think of it. I want to write a letter that makes her love this little girl in a way she never imagined.
Because that’s what my Girl wants. Deep in her soul, she wants to be wanted and loved by her birthmother. And I want her to be happy.
But this letter is supposed to express thanks. I could be trite and say that I would like to express thanks to her birthmother but that’s not the letter I want to write to her birthmother. I want to throw up Girly’s sparkles on her birthmother and overwhelm her with love. It’s not that I’m NOT thankful that her birthmother gave birth to her rather than terminated the pregnancy. I AM thankful. At the same time, the pain my girl feels is unimaginable and while I’m thankful that she walks that journey with me–who attempts to learn about it and set my own feelings aside to accommodate her feelings–I’m not thankful for that yet. Maybe I never will be thankful for it.
Today’s letter is supposed to be thanks. All I feel is the desire to share my joy. I will have to dig deeper for the “assignment”; and perhaps in this particular way–I commiserate and identify with my small people today.
We shall see…
3 thoughts on “Day 4: Express thanks”
Your honesty is refreshing! Navigating and guiding little lives is both a challenge and a gift. It occurred to me as I read what you wrote about your little girl’s feelings – wanting to be loved and wanting to be wanted… I thought, don’t we all? I’m so thankful we have a God who loves us so well and wants us more than anything.
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expressing thanks is often easier than actually feeling thankful.
Oh that is so true… In the end, I thanked the caseworker that was the initial contact for our daughter. Every year at her birthday (which is also his birthday), I send him an update. He has been responsive and helpful for so many years–sharing what he could with us in the absence of pictures or contact with her birthmother. Last year, he also shared some of his own, personal history and having that relationship–that one person that met her birthmother–is worth more than anything we have for her. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for it. Even moreso that I could write my letter with the full feeling of thanks behind the words. ❤
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