Tag Archives: rough days

Practical life skills #fail

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I’m sitting here listening to the sounds of Girly crying in her room and BigGuy finishing an hour’s worth of trying to clean the bathroom vanity in my room.

I’m not exactly getting this “teaching practical life skills” thing down very well.

Ideally, these are things that would have grown with us as a family–learned and added as time wore on.  But that’s not what happened.  Instead of gently ushering my kids into independence and the keeping of their environment, my untreated PTSD led to a rather volatile “mom can’t take any more of the mess and freaks out” method of trying to keep house.  Only further derailed or enhanced, of course, by 7 moves in 4 years (Girly aged 8mo-4 and BigGuy aged 6-10… formative years).

Now my kids have grown into a lifestyle of simply not taking care of their things and not really wanting to keep the household clean.  Mama’s upset about the state of all of it doesn’t really move anyone because Mama’s been kind of a b*tch for the last several years as the symptoms of her condition got worse.

So… first, Mama canceled this afternoon’s events “because obviously we need more time to get things done”.  That resulted in lots of playing.  Cool that they’re having a good time, but Mama can’t do it all by herself.  Then I tried some consistent redirection.  #fail

The biggest mistake Mama made was telling them that I sold tonights tickets to “the circus” (it’s really Cirque Shanghai).  Oh my.  They get upset, but they don’t exactly get motivated to do anything.  In fact, sometimes BigGuy will cry and plead that “he’ll do AAAANNNYYYYthing” to get whatever he lost back and sometimes, I fall for it.  I tell him to do some subset of what he was responsible for and he still won’t do it.

The whole thing is really just a parenting mess that needs to be made right.  And the way I’m handling it is nothing positive… which is making everyone miserable and not exactly suring up the shaky foundation we’re working with.

Mama’s decided that I need to be WITH my kids as they do this–talking them through it and helping them find joy in the process until it becomes a habit.  I need to be engaged instead of just barking out orders.

Stay tuned…

Read-alouds during showers #fail

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In an effort to NOT throw formal learning out the window, I decide that today–I would make the most of our time together.  I, for one, was not going to live another day without a shower.  BigGuy had done his Biology lecture early.  I was really not feeling the love for doing ANYthing today and I cannot say that I was upset when a friend decided to go to the pool despite the fact that there was seriously no way I was cut out to be at the pool.  Leg grooming being second only to the only other thing that makes women dread going to the pool.  Yeah.

So I finally mozy myself into the shower and holler for the children to bring the character building book and the “Science in Ancient Egypt” book because BigGuy was gonna read aloud for us.

Except that I can seriously hear NOTHING in the shower.

#fail

Well, notsomuch #fail because really, it was comical.  I mean, BigGuy didn’t see the immediate humor and I wasn’t laughing; but in retrospect, it was pretty comical.

We did, in fact, do our “helpfulness” lesson for the day and we did actually learn stuff about science in ancient egypt.

Done.

The afternoon was spent at the park followed by BigGuy’s relentless nagging to do his Mod Design coursework.  And it just spiraled into a really bad night for everyone.  I was REALLY sick from something bothering my stomach.  BigGuy couldn’t handle the fact that he’d lost all access to all screens (this happened on Monday, I think) for the week and decided that my extended use of the bathroom was a good time to deliver–under the door–a sign stating that Papa and I were not allowed in his room and then a picture on the reverse side of Husbeau and I torturing BOTH kids.  Honestly, I’m kind of touched that he feels like his little sister and he are “in this together” since he never seems to see anyone being on his side.  #win

I was less than thrilled at his chosen delivery time.  I calmly brought it to his room and put it on the bed and said “Is this really what COULD NOT wait until I was done being sick?” and I walked away.  Well, in retrospect, BigGuy was crying out in pain and I was not comforting him.  So, not surprisingly, BigGuy started to “run away” from home.  Oh, and to add insult to injury: on his way out of the yard (barefoot, btw) he told his little sister that he was leaving.  That would be the little sister who is STILL reeling from the pain of being given up/left at the hospital by her birthmother.

Holy. moly.

All that to say that doing read alouds in the shower are probably not your best bet.

Day 6: “Mondayyyyy, Mondayyyyyyyyy….”

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This morning, we got up and out of the house–smoothies in hand–and got to the library for the books we need for this week’s lessons.  Egypt.  Blech.  I’m seriously all Egypt’d out.  I cannot even wrap my head around the fact that my son actually CHOSE for us to start our history studies in the classical education model’s “Year 1”.  I mean, the OCD person in me is jumping for joy to start at “the beginning” but the woman who has been parenting my kids for the last several years is like “Seriously… I cannot handle another pyramid or mummy”.

I am congratulating myself that we managed to bring BigGuy’s Information Resources workbook.

I am congratulating myself that when BigGuy pushed back on doing his work, I fought the initial reaction to hold his electronics time captive until it was done.  I reminded myself that he knew everything he needed to know in life–enough math and reading to live off of–and that this rigor was his request.  So I calmly told him that he didn’t need to do this.  I DID explain WHY it was on his plate to be done and reminded him that it bothered him that his brain was lazy–but that it was his choice to do it.

He did it.  Actually, he did most of it but not all of it.  Whatever.  He also negotiated for doing his Mod Design I coursework three times per week at least for this week and next week.  He absolutely loves it.  I don’t want to restrict him any more than I have to and he doesn’t get docked electronics (fun) time when he does this.  So we’re walking a fine line.  We’ll try this for 2 weeks and see how it goes.

Getting out the door so early comPLETEly threw pretty much everything off this morning… no character building story and discussion… no snuggles.  BigGuy managed to some element of his bathroom chores, but I’ll need to go up and see what exactly did and did not get done.

Now I need to can the 30 pounds of organic green beans I bought last week.  The kids await 4pm by popping off the ends of each bean.  Off I go!

Weekend review

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In truth, I gave this whole “rigorous academic learning” thing a week and truly thought it would fail in a day or two.  My inaccuracy on this point is sobering on many levels.  First, because it means that life as I knew it will now change as I meet the challenge to provide my BigGuy (YES!!!  That works!) with the education and learning experience he wants.

Second, my BigGuy is no longer a BoyChild.

Third: Since we will be educating, I need to get on the ball with making plans and requesting books and stuff…

This weekend, we are going to finish up our Worldview lessons.  Last night, we discussed and concluded the Jedis were/are pantheists.  I’m thankful that BigGuy realizes that his brain is very lazy and wants to change it–persevering through things without having to be pushed in an effort to make his brain think.

Today, we will finish Worldview, talk about his goals for the school year, and go to a birthday party for a 4yo.  If there’s time, I’ll have him take the Biology quizzes he didn’t get to do.  Tomorrow I will try to be at the library when it opens so as not to further derail our learning.  It’s a short learning week due to playdates.  *sigh*

Day 3: fumbling towards direction

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See, the thing is: I was a project manager in my past life during which I taught to adults at night; and then a public school teacher (like, seriously briefly).  It’s not like I don’t know how to plan, organize and execute.

I just don’t really love it in terms of educating.

Anyway… I have learned to learn my lessons at least.  We woke up on day 3 and went back to our morning character trait stories and mandatory snuggles.  The day went relatively fine.  For my life I can’t remember what we did in the morning, I just know that there wasn’t a lot of “schooling” for Girly.  BoyChild did whatever he was assigned except that he didn’t come get me for his Worldview stuff.  He did, however, have to do his daily chore (cleaning bathrooms).  We scuttled off to a mommy meeting/playdate where the mommy’s hold an accountability session for our respective businesses while the kids play.  It works.

We also had to do a walkthrough with the renters moving out of the house we really would have rather sold… but that’s another story.

Overall, not a horrible day.

Day 2: #fail

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Oooooh… oh my.  Well, BoyChild got up at the crack of dawn.  We are crack of noon people.  But since he was up and he wanted to, he listened to the 8am lecture for his new biology course, and then stayed on for the 9am live orientation to the system they used.  Which means nobody ate breakfast until 10am.  #fail

This left Girly largely unattended and unhappy.  It means we didn’t kick off our day with our Character Building story.  It means Girly sat in front of Sesame Street and BoyChild joined her while I tried to get dressed.  That puts BoyChild at over 2 hours of screen exposure.

BoyChild had an epilepsy diagnosis as a small child.  He had one obvious seizure somewhere around 15 or 18 months old and then “absence seizures”.  A therapist caught that it was happening and showed us.  Then, we caught them on video which is how he was diagnosed–because a sleep deprived EEG and then a 72-hour EEG showed nothing.  At the time, BoyChild was under the care of multiple specialists and we were confronted with giving him: a daily inhaler for his Reactive Airway Disorder that the pulminologist promised would turn into asthma;  Wellbutrin to rewire his brain because he barely realized people existed and was profoundly delayed (a step up from the initial suspicion of cerebral palsy and profound deafness); and now a seizure medication with the threat that “the next seizure could make him a vegetable”.

He didn’t get any of them.  At 10yo, he doesn’t have asthma, he presents fairly neurotypical (odd and quirky–definitely something “off”, but nothing like he was) and we haven’t seen evidence of seizures in many years.  None-the-less, he definitely reacts to extended screen exposure–even if the screen is showing a series of still images.  :/

But I digress…

Extended screen exposure didn’t end well this morning.

BoyChild did go on (after lunch!?) to finish the rest of his assignments.  At some point, he needed me to be involved for his Worldview discussion questions and he was goofing off.  Now, hear me: I am NOT loving all this schoolwork.  So I really was not having the patience for it.  I told him that it didn’t seem like he was really interested in doing this work–so why do it?  He pleaded with me to stay and I forced him to answer me: why should we do this if he really doesn’t feel like doing it?

He insisted he wanted to do it, and made himself appear more focused and we finished.  But now I feel bad because I’m forcing him to behave the way that LOOKS like he’s paying attention to me when I know first-hand that he can manage to do all kinds of things and still take in information, process it and respond.  One of the many reasons we homeschool INCLUDES “So that BoyChild can be himself and learn the way he is comfortable.”  Ugh… #fail

BoyChild finished up his work just in time for the kids to do their 4pm electronics time.  I shouldn’t have allowed this for him, but I did.  He loves it.  We’d just deal if it was too much for him.  But then I had appointments for the evening and I was gone until about 9:30pm.  Girly was already sleeping, but BoyChild was still awake.  We said our evening “prayers” (3 things we are grateful for) and he was genuine and thoughtful in his.  We are definitely seeing much more depth of thought and introspection in this little guy in the last few months.

And in my gratitudes, I was thankful that we could start over tomorrow.