Day 1: Remembrance

BigPuppy with drawings

It wasn’t the plan, but then nothing this season will be as planned.  Yesterday we said goodbye to our faithful friend, companion and protector.  We spent the 24 hours prior pouring as much love into him as we could, and unless Husbeau has removed them–his bowls are still in their place in the kitchen.  Coming home to an empty house last night overtook Girly and I; and everyone piled into the Big Bed to try to find some kind of comfort and safety in the mess of tears and anguish.  I dosed everyone with 2 drops of Star of Bethlehem Bach flower remedies just in case it could diffuse some of the trauma and grief of losing our best friend.

The pictures above are Girly’s way of processing the grief of losing our Big Puppy.  Christmas with him as an angel–but with us.  A tombstone on the door declaring his cause of death as cancer.  In fact, she created a tombstone for each of our three dogs even though she only knows the first through stories.  Art therapy.

BigGuy is another story.  He just intermittently broke down and felt great guilt for things he should have done more of–seeing his own

This morning is the first day of the Advent season.  Our hat and mitten garland is not up.  I did not get to alter the activities until yesterday–half-heartedly at that as I awaited our appointment to put our sweet boy to sleep.  Then we went to the other end of the strip mall to eat a donut–because sugar drowns all of the sad, right?  Then we went to eat dinner and then to Kohl’s for choir pants and shoes.

Then we came home to an empty, dog-less house.

And my children lost it.

“He was the only one that played with me.”
“He was the one that came downstairs with me before anyone was awake.”
“He protected our house.”

The list went on in wailing sobs.  Husbeau and I were sobbing right there with them–like the blind leading the blind: the inconsolable trying to comfort the inconsolable.

So today, this year, is a day of new beginnings.  A new life without a dog.  A new season to reflect and draw inward.  A new month.  A new way of learning to live.

It will always be a day of remembrance.  For the years hereafter, it will be a day to take pause and remember the important people we have lost for the year.  This year, it was Big Puppy.  But in the years to come, perhaps it will be someone who was important to society–either because of what we felt they represented or what the world felt they represented.  A time to look at what we have lost this year.  A moment to pause and think about how our lives may need to change to accommodate such a loss, if at all.  What might we want (or need) to do differently because of this loss?

So we have a new Day 1: Remembrance.

Wishing you all of the love and light the world can provide for you today.

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