Tag Archives: self-care

What happens when parenting perspective is not a gift

Recently I was involved in a friend’s Facebook post asking who your MOMMY Inspiration is.  It was an interesting question, probably inspired by Mother’s Day coming up.  I’m actually really proud of my parenting given that I grew up in a home I should have been removed from (my state subsequently underwent federal overhaul of their child protective services division) and another I actually WAS finally removed from (although I was 18 and 2 weeks from graduating when they finally got to it).

What happens when you have kids of your own, start to really understand parenting more, and it DOESN’T give you a greater appreciation for your parents? Continue reading What happens when parenting perspective is not a gift

Behind the scenes of monumental challenge and survival

Thanks for bearing with me on my pause from writing.  So much has happened in the last month that I can’t really talk about publicly at the moment just because it’s still in progress.  Suffice it to say that my family is facing some pretty big challenges that may end in some pretty big life changes. Continue reading Behind the scenes of monumental challenge and survival

Day 5: Why we are special

Today’s activity is to tell each person in the house why they are special.  I’m sure that when I picked this, I had delusions of grandeur about the accolades I would hear my children give one another.  The reality I suspect I face is that BigGuy will make an earnest attempt to express some Asperger’s-oriented version of what makes someone special and Girly will say that what’s special about BigGuy is that he has the loudest farts. Continue reading Day 5: Why we are special

This is what a bad day looks like

This is not a proud day for Mama, and that’s okay with me.  We all have those days.  Those days where our parenting behavior is just not stellar or admirable or what we aspire to in any way.

That being said, having one of those days every once in a while (usually) doesn’t end up harming anyone; and sometimes–it even provokes some change in the people around you.  Time will tell if that is the result of today’s experiences, but a mama can hope… Continue reading This is what a bad day looks like

The gentle flow of gray winter…

It’s been a less productive time lately.  I have a very hard time with the shortening of the days.  No amount of vitamin D or special lighting has ever provoked a response in my body.  Even magnesium supplements have not helped (there is a contingent that yells loudly about the need for magnesium to help with vitamin D absorption).  So things have gotten slow… and moved to the big bed.

Continue reading The gentle flow of gray winter…

Socialization… for moms

Saturday night, I got to go out with a group of homeschooling moms to The Melting Pot.  It was gluten, dairy, chocolate, Big Gingers… total contraband evening.  It was chatting about our kids, occasionally double-dipping by accident, and having the waiter catch me saying “When I’m out, I cheat” as I walked back from the bathroom and giggling with the mama I was saying it to–who caught his reaction.

It was a fun night. Continue reading Socialization… for moms

My day… Monday, Sept. 29th so far…

BigGuy woke up very late and I heard him sneeze twice.  They were deep, chesty sneezes that may have hurt him in his chest.  We’ve been skirting illness for a few weeks now; and honestly–I could not be more thankful that we haven’t been sick.  The last two years (almost to the week) have been EXTREMELY hard on my family and a lot of the things we had in place that kept my kids (and the parents) healthy went largely out the window as we worked on other things that took the front seat.

One of them is how we eat.  The other is stress management. Continue reading My day… Monday, Sept. 29th so far…

The week in review

Things I did well this week:

  • Planning an appropriate amount of work
  • Planning work that BigGuy found interesting and engaging
  • Planning around events we scheduled
  • Reading our character building book
  • Working (unexpectedly) a consignment sale fundraiser (for a friend whose kids were sick) and although EX. HAUST. ED.  I really handled all my responsibilities well!  WOOT!
  • And on that note, bought some good shirts for BigGuy at above-referenced sale.
  • Nearly kept up on our new (or rather, return-to-former) laundry routine where nobody has hampers–all laundry is collected every morning and a load is done every day.  BAM!
  • Not losing my sh!t on anyone.  This is actually an accomplishment because my PTSD therapy in the last week was rough.

Things I did not do well this week:

  • Having backup plans when primary plans fell through–which left us kind of in a not-great situation sometimes.
  • Finding engaging things to do with Girly because truly, I didn’t realize how this whole new “wake up and work with Papa” thing would pan out
  • Reading to either of my kids
  • Doing the socratic discussions with BigGuy.  To be fair, this was partly my not wanting Friday to be C O N S T A N T discussion/analysis and partly because we had an emergency plan-change for Saturday that left me missing Girly’s soccer game (and a night out for someone’s 40th birthday that I was really looking forward to) and canceling attendance at a kids birthday party.
  • Apparently I may not have enforced the deodorant rules well enough to BigGuy because his Friday discussion group leader sent out an e-mail to all of us parents requesting some body odor enforcement.  I’m not sure if it was BigGuy (since I didn’t notice offensive odor… this week) or someone else.  But note to self: bear down on this one.
  • Definitely did not enforce the bathroom chore routine well enough with BigGuy.  But also didn’t enforce any chore routines with Girly, either.
  • Keeping my grumpy on the down-low at times.  Like when there was a detour for a field trip and I had zero contact numbers to find out where to go.  I’d been told “the big main entrance–parking lot is right there, you can’t miss it” only to find out 1) there were no less than 6 parking lots; and 2) we weren’t going to the big, main entrance.  And my car was out of gas.  In an area I didn’t know well.  And I was really, really grumpy about it to other people including adults.

Other things that happened this week:

  • Girly has become a brick wall goalie.  I seriously cannot even…
  • BigGuy decided that he would start going to bed without a parent laying down with him “so that he could start doing sleepovers”.  This is simultaneously an awesome day and the worst day of my life.  I knew it was coming just like when you KNOW someone is going to die of a terminal illness and yet, it blindsides you anyway.  So far, we have discovered that we need a “goodnight” routine as I wound up without a kiss goodnight.   Girly did her own hair
  • Girly decided to start doing HER OWN hair.  Have you seen this kid’s hair, folks?  This is a picture of what it looks like for her to “do her own hair”.  She pretty much flattens the top with water and I’m not really sure what hair “utensil”.  She does it often and is VERY proud of herself… so I compliment her every time and remind myself that we will absolutely HAVE to REALLY do her hair the next morning rather than slack.
  • We went on a crazy awesome field trip to a municipal airport and aviation school that included the control tower.
  • We wound up with 4 shares of Community-Sponsored Agriculture (CSA) farm shares to manage.  Two that we normally get from our farm plus two more that people did not pick up from our house (which serves as a host site for a local CSA farm).  This would normally be an awesome thing.
  • BigGuy and Girly are clearly fighting off illness.  Between Illinois being one of the 6 states with confirmed cases of Enterovirus and close friends kids coming down with Coxsackie… I’m concerned.  Last night, BigGuy let out a few coughs in the middle of the night (for more on why this is a big deal, see BigGuy’s background)

Overall, I think it was a decent week.  I would love to be downtown drinking with a bunch of happy women celebrating a 40th birthday right now, but I will take a hot bath and soft bed after this day of being on my feet ALL. DAY. and up since early (for a work-related meeting before covering at the sale).

Upshot is that BigGuy is happier and feels like the dynamics of the household have changed for the better with this recent change in who is getting up when and doing what.

I can’t lie that there is a very, very tiny part of me that is sad that Papa gets to connect with the boy instead of me.  I mean, I know he loves me and all.  I just wish I had the resources right now to connect with him more meaningfully.  Or that I was at least gaining something else in the absence of that connection.  Like maybe connecting with Girly.  They grow up so fast.  I just need to focus on the gratitude for having a husband that gives them that rather than my kids lacking it completely.